The Orbis

Issue date: 11/7/07 Section: News/Features

Female orgasm = more dangerous than a semiautomatic weapon?

Down in Alabama, vibrators seem to pose a greater threat than firearms to the safety and morality of citizens.

Last month, the Supreme Court refused to hear the "Alabama sex-toy case," ending an almost 10-year battle since the law's enactment in 1998, which banned the sell of sex toys. Sherri Williams, a plaintiff and Alabama sex shop owner, refuses to give up hope. "They are going to have to pry this vibrator from my cold, dead hand," she told The Associated Press.

While states like Colorado, Kansas, and Louisiana have deemed similar laws unconstitutional, Alabama joins other states such as Georgia, Mississippi and Texas who have upheld sex-toy bans, citing concern for the "morality of the state" in doing so. Texas has a limit on the number of "obscene devices" one can own, because the government says owning too many indicates the intent to sell.

Those residents of Alabama desperate to find certain vibrating objects of pleasure in their state can still satisfy their desires, albeit without any blatant sex labels. Regular vibrators and body massagers remain on the shelves because they are not marketed specifically for sexual purposes. As long as the product doesn't look particularly phallic, lawmakers are not concerned.

According to Alabama's Anti-Obscenity Enforcement act, the commercial distribution of "any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs for anything of pecuniary value" is prohibited. However, only the sale of such items is forbidden, so one can use, possess or "gratuitously distribute" to their heart's content. The law excuses sales of sexual devices for any "medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial or law enforcement purpose." It isn't immediately clear why law enforcement might need sex toys. But while the Alabama court may not want everyday citizens enjoying the thrill of their hot pink vibrator, perhaps Alabama's law enforcement will add a new kind of holster to their gun belt.

The medical exemption can be applied in several ways, such as those who are handicapped or sexually dysfunctional. To a certain Catholic priest in Wisconsin, however, that is no excuse. Earlier this year, he dismissed his church's organist and choir director for her involvement in selling sex toys on the side. Although she said she was involved with the business to help other women, as she became sexually dysfunctional after her brain tumor and treatment, the priest said her behavior was "not consistent with Church teachings." As The Associated Press suggests, her attention certainly did seem to fall on the wrong organ.

The penalty for disobeying the Alabama ban includes a $10,000 fine and up to one year in jail for a first-time offender. Selling a pistol to a minor, on the other hand, results in a maximum fine of $500. So hand a child a Heckler & Koch handgun and pay the few hundred-dollar fine, but forget selling the latest Adam & Eve Chameleon Cock unless you wish to wear handcuffs … of the non-furry variety.

The vibrator was first used in the late 1800s as a way to cure "hysteria" in women who were unable to achieve orgasm through sex alone. The medical use faded in the 1920s when the vibrator began to be used in the porn industry, now seen as something "sexy." Legislators in these Southern states still fear these sexy stimulation devices, failing to realize the foreboding return of such hysterical, anorgasmic women … but "moral" citizens nevertheless.

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